The Best Man's Speech
by elenwyn
Summary: It's Lily and James' wedding, and Prongs has asked his three best friends to say a little something...I have a feeling he's going to regret that... Funny little ficlet.
1. Sirius' Speech

**A.N**: Yet another one-shot...this time a funny one. I liked writing this, made me laugh quitea lot. Hope you enjoy it! Oh, and I worked out how many days (roughly) they were at school for...and I figured that Lily finally, (in this story anyway)said yes to James on November 17th 1977, just incase you lot wanted to know.

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The date was October 30th, 1979 and Sirius Black was sitting alone in the Three Broomsticks scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment. At around 7:30 that evening, he had remembered that tomorrow, All Hallows Eve, he would be attending perhaps the biggest event in his best friend's life; his wedding.

Unfortunately for Sirius, he had forgotten one thing, the fact that he was the best man, and as the best man he was required to make a speech.

Which he hadn't gotten round to writing yet.

After twelve fruitless attempts and four bottles of Butterbeer, Sirius finally concentrated on the task at hand, and began to write:

_Greetings Ladies and Gents!_

_Now, for all of you who are still in a state of utter disbelief, **no** the names on your invitations weren't wrong **or** spelt incorrectly,-the unfortunate replacement to the groom's last name aside- and yes, you **have** arrived at the right wedding._

_And to those of you betting on this speech, (**Look over to Moony, who should be stuffing wads of money into his pocket**) I recommend 37 minutes and 23 seconds._

_Now, we all know why we're here, except for those of us who are already under the influence of alcohol, Gideon and Fabian, this means you. (**Avoid death glares from said pair**.)_

_Having known the bride and groom for a considerable number of years I've got to admit, I, like so many others, didn't think they'd end up married. In fact, I thought that, if we ever reached this stage in life, I'd be attending James' funeral. **(Pause for laughter that is sure to come from the audience**.)_

_But, alas, that was not to be, and after a long – and sometimes painful- series of events, we have arrived at this happy occasion._

_Those of you who knew Lily and James at school may remember many a shout, prank, scream, argument and even an occasional trip to the Hospital Wing that their encounters caused, and you will also remember how Lily hated James with a passion,- contrary to the rest of the female population of Hogwarts who seemed to find us rather attractive. (**Here wink at the bridesmaids and various female members of the audience. Note: Avoid that strange second cousin of James' who followed you around at the rehearsal.)**_

_So how in the name of Merlin, I hear you cry, did these two end up married?_

_What with Lily being the studious, neat, hard-working, responsible girl that she was and our Prongs being the arrogant, rule-breaking, disrespectful, irresponsible boy that he was. (**Smirk at Prongs who will be glaring daggers at you by now.**)_

_Well I'll tell you how: **(Clear throat in business-like manner.**)_

_After 2669 school days over seven years, 123 arguments, 500 pranks, 57 public humiliations and a grand total of 7365 date refusals - we kept a running score of the amount just to make him even more depressed- Lily Evans finally agreed to go out with James Potter, and Hell had officially frozen over._

_Of course, their relationship wasn't without its little bumps, what with the terrible incident involving a couple of can-can dancers, the time when James had to quickly get Lily a present for her birthday because he'd forgotten- Oh, you **didn't** tell her about that, mate?- and I won't even mention the stag night for fear of being decapitated._

_Eventually, the inevitable happened, and, on June 30th 1978, in front of the entire school as we got off the Hogwarts Express for a final time, James proposed to Lily, and Moony, Wormtail and I proceeded to bet on what her reaction would be. She said yes, obviously, and I was forced to give up Firewhiskey for a total of 16 months, which I can proudly say I kept…, up 'till today of course. (**Here hold up bottle of Firewhiskey to prove a point.)**_

_The following months were full of chaos, and several times we thought the wedding would never take place, what with deciding on whom to invite and who to "conveniently" miss off the list, the all important seating arrangements, catering- By the way Mrs. P, great wedding cake-(**send wink in Prongs' mother's direction.**)- and all kinds of clothing decisions. You might notice that I missed off the job of choosing the best man, but as you can imagine, that was the easiest job of all, even though I made James beg for a while before I graciously accepted the hard and painful occupation._

_But this speech isn't supposed to be about me or my dashing good looks, (**Run hand through hair and send a winning smile into the audience, pause to appreciate the sound of all the girls sighing.)**_

_It's about the young couple sitting across from me, that are just about to start their lives together, and as much as Lily herself will hate to admit this, they make a bloody good couple. I for one know that they'll see this marriage thing through, 'cause if they can survive seven years without killing each other, they can survive anything._

_So, without further ado, can everyone please raise their goblets to Lily and James Potter!_

_**(Sneak some Firewhiskey into goblet before raising it and then bow graciously to the rapturous applause that will come from the audience.)**_

Putting down his quill, Sirius grinned to himself, "Tomorrow is going to be one hell of a day…"

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**A.N**: I really dunno where I get my inspiration from, but it seems to come to me at very odd times of the day...please Review! 


	2. Remus' Speech

**A.N:** I could pretend to own everything in this story...but I can't, because I don't...

Anyway, this, I know, is short-ish, but it's continuing on from Sirius' speech...and they'll be one more speech to follow...

Enjoy!

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Remus Lupin laughed and clapped along with everyone else as Sirius Black finished his speech, bowing and blowing kisses at the crowd. He caught Lily's gaze and rolled his eyes, making her chuckle even more, while her new husband, James Potter, was glaring at Sirius with a look that could disintegrate a person on the spot.

_Some things will never change…_ Remus thought as he stood up to do his speech. From what he'd heard from Padfoot himself, writing a speech for a wedding had to take priority over everything else…which is why he had left it until the night before to write it.

But Remus hadn't forgotten, oh no…he hadn't even _written_ anything. What was the point when he was _the _Remus Lupin? The young man gulped as he stared around at the audience, _Brilliant, what a time to get nervous…_

Clearing his throat, he began to speak:

"Before you all wonder why I'm standing up, Prongs asked me if I'd do a speech, seeing as he gave the job of Best Man to Padfoot. But considering the look he's sending the "Best Man" right now, I'm rather glad I'm not.

Now, unlike our esteemed, Mister. Black here, I'm not going to retell all of the most embarrassing moments of our James' quest to woo Lily, although I've got to admit Prongs, that turquoise dress did suit you exceedingly well.

I mean, I wouldn't _**dream**_ of stooping to Padfoot's level and telling you all in extreme detail how James _**stole**_ a Muggle vinyl player- (Moony…)- _**stood**_ outside the **_Girl's Dormitory Tower_** at _**2am**_ in the morning -(MOONY!)- And **_charmed_ **it to play _**Beatle's songs**_ until Lily got him with a particularly good Confundus Charm. - (Moony, I'm warning you…)

Alright, _**alright**_, I'll stop Prongs, put the wand down already, you'd think I'd said something extremely damaging to his "bad-boy" reputation. - (Not that he has one!) Thank you for your input Sirius, I'm pretty sure Prongs will have something to say about that. (Damn right I will…)

One thing that Padfoot forgot to mention in his little speech is, aside from all their differences, Lily and James have one thing in common: They're bloody stubborn. A little birdie told me - (That would be me!)- Yes it would Alice, that during the end of sixth year, Lily developed quite the crush on Prongs, but still refused to date him on the basis that, "It would require changing her answer from a two letter word to a three letter word" and that, of course, would have been unacceptable.

Yes James, this is all true, so you can stop staring at Lily like that, and Lily, that shade of red you've gone does nothing for your hair.

But anyway, I promised that I wouldn't delve into our couple's sordid past, no matter how interesting or amusing that is, sorry folks!

Looks like I'll be next on the list of people that Prongs maims today…so I'll just skip straight to the point.

All you people know Lily and James in some way, be you teachers, old school friends, or enemies for that matter, and family, and I know we've all been secretly hoping for this day for a long, _**long**_ time. So I just want to say congratulations to them, for actually swallowing their pride and changing for each other, whether it was changing their attitude or opinion. Well done you two, I'm pretty sure you can stick this marriage thing out for a good time to come.

Although, if the arguments about seating arrangements were anything to go by…."

Remus didn't have chance to say anything else as James, fed up of being taunted and muttering to himself about "traitorous best friends", tried to throw a piece of cutlery at him, which missed, fortunately, and landed on the floor. Shaking her head, Lily took James by the arm and told him to calm down and that "the boys were only having a bit of fun," while motioning for Remus to sit down while he could.

He did gladly, and the audience gave him- if possible- a louder cheer than Sirius- who therefore sulked for the rest of the reception.

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Do review and tell me what you think! And please hurry...the little plot-bunnies are trying to maim me... 


	3. Peter's Speech

**A.N:** Thankies to all you lot who reviewed! This chapter's the last one...and it's a bit angsty...hope you enjoy!

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Rain battered down on the dirty windows, running down the panes in waves and dripping off the drainpipes, making it seem like the whole house was in tears. The dark clouds overhead rumbled threateningly, blocking off any moon or starlight and plunging the dense surroundings into darkness.

If one looked carefully through one of the rain-stained windows of the top floor of the rickety house, they would be able to make out the outline of a man, hunched on the sill.

This man was called Peter Pettigrew.

He watched the rain as it fell from the sky, idly tracing the marks it left on the panes with his finger, thinking how well they matched his own tear-stained cheeks. The man inwardly cursed himself for having to stay in this wretched place, but knew that he deserved everything he got…considering what he had done…

_If I could only go back…_

But there wasn't any going back, Peter knew that now. He knew it when he first had the Dark Mark branded on his arm; Merlin thatwas the worst day of his life, knowing he was going to end up betraying his best friend.

_My friends…my caring friends…they trusted me, trusted me with everything…treated me kindly, made me laugh…let me be a part of them…James even let me play a part in his wedding…_

Oh yes, the wedding, how could he forget it? 17 years ago today Lily and James were married…and 16 years ago today they were murdered…

_By me…_

Peter tried to shake his head to clear it of the thoughts of those two nights, but it was no use. The memories of the past were too strong, and he found himself reminiscing the wedding day itself…

"_I still don't understand why he got a bigger applause than me Wormtail," Sirius muttered to the short man sitting beside him as Remus Lupin sat down in a hurry, lest the groom, James, decided to throw something else at him._

"_I dunno mate, maybe it's cause it got Prongs all mad," Peter suggested, licking icing from his fingers, "Anyway, it's almost time for me to say something…wish me luck!"_

_Padfoot gave Peter a weak thumbs up, glaring at the werewolf from out of the corner of his eye._

_Fear swept over the blond-haired boy as he stood up and peered at the guests, he'd never been much of a speaker at school, how in the name of Merlin did he get himself into this?_

_Taking a glance to his left, he remembered why; Lily and James. His best friend's wedding. They were looking forward to hearing him speak…he couldn't freeze up now!_

"_H…Hey!" he managed to stutter out. The audience all turned to look at him, and the twisted feeling in his stomach returned, "I…I…I just wanted to say something, see…seeing as its Prongs' wedding and all."_

_Peter took a deep breath and focused on what he was going to say, why didn't he write it down!_

"_I've watched Prongs try to get Lily for seven years, and by our 7th year, I was starting to wonder whether all of his persistence would actually pay off. Lily never seemed interested in us at school, always calling us trouble-makers and no-good-bullies, I have to agree with Pads; I thought James' funeral was just around the corner every time he asked her out."_

_He glanced over to James, who was sighing exasperatingly and placing his head in his hands, obviously wondering if anyone actually thought he would ever get the girl of his dreams. Peter laughed and continued speaking, his nerves fading quickly, _

"_Thankfully, that never happened, and, to everyone's amazement, James grew up in our last year, causing Lily to realise that there was a heart underneath all the arrogance, even though it was hard to find at first." _

_To Peter's surprise, the crowd laughed, as did the Marauders and Lily, with the exception of James, who looked ready to throw another fork. The young man noticed this and started hurrying to finish his speech, _

"_So anyway, I know Sirius already did this once, but I want to have another toast to the bride and groom. And I want to let them no that, no matter what they go through, they'll always have each other…and us of course. But they can decide for themselves whether that's a good thing or not!"_

_With a round of applause ringing in his ears, Peter Pettigrew raised his glass to the newly-wedded couple, grinning broadly. Little did he know that, in less than 4 months time, he would join the Death Eater's and be thrust into a dark, cold world…_

The rain continued to beat down onto the house, reflecting the mood of the inhabitant inside of it. An occasional flash of lightening streaked across the sky, illuminating Peter's face and making it seem gaunt and distorted.

The man continued to stare out of the window for many hours, lost in memories of his guilt-stricken past and worries of his uncertain future…

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**A.N:** Yeah, it was short, I know...what do you think of it? 


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